Two Moral Victories

Yesterday I  talked about erecting a blessing fence between myself and others.  A blessing fence is essentially a boundary erected by you to separate your life from someone else’s life and to protect you from them.

One of the reasons I lost my life was my inability to establish, protect, and maintain healthy boundaries in my life.  I trusted everyone and gave them the freedom to roam in my front yard, to camp in my back yard, to get in my face, and to sneak up behind my back to stab me.

My unwillingness to accept the truth of original sin, which G. K. Chesterton said is “the only Christian doctrine which no one disputes,” left me vulnerable.  In my vulnerability I let people have power, control, and influence over me in ways which were unhealthy. Part of my Reclamation 2010 commitment is to set boundaries and to not let them be violated.

To this end, I had two moral victories today by refusing to negotiate boundaries which I had established.  Surprisingly, the moral victories came against one of my closest friends and the other against one of my mortal enemies.  Let me explain.

Yesterday I told you about my two closest friends who kept telling me that I failed the class on original sin.  One of these friends was one of the two people who I left outside my fence today.

This friend wanted me to do something I had decided not to do.  He plead with me, joked with me, sighed over me, and finally told me that I was in a rather snippy (not quiet the word he used) mood today.  I just kept saying, “No!” After a while I was having fun saying “No!” He finally relented and accepted the fact that I was not going to budge.  He’s not use to that from me.  But here’s the best part, I know that his friendship, love, and concern for me has not changed.

If I had given into his reasoned pleading, I would of let a part of me trickle away, again.  Friends let friends establish and keep boundaries.

Yesterday I wrote about Laban and Jacob establishing a blessing fence to protect them from each other (Genesis 31).  I told you about erecting a blessing fence between myself and some folk who I allowed to steal away parts of my life.  I joked about placing the fence on this side of all the entanglements resulting from the events which transpired.

Today one of these mortal enemies came within 3 feet of me.  He probably doesn’t know that I saw him.  When he saw me he made a mad dash to hide behind a display in a Christian Bookstore. He was contorting his body so fast it looked like he had gotten tangled up with a hive of angry bees.  Because I was committed to keeping and respecting the boundary of the blessing fence, I resisted the temptation to say , “Hello” and cause him excruciating agony, in a Christian kind of way.

The boundary protected him and me.  I am still chuckling about it, he put himself in a snare and I reclaimed a part of my life.  I wonder if his heart is still racing.

Two moral victories does not mean I have reclaimed my whole life.  There is much work left to be done and much fun to be had reclaiming my life.

One lesson I am learning is that there is more freedom living in boundaries than living without them.

Travel well, BJ

Ditch Name and Blame

Once I tell you where I lost my life, you and a chorus of thousands would be tempted to join me in the Name and Blame game.

Even though I can name the place where I lost my life, I will not blame those at that place for stealing my life.  I am not into the Name and Blame game.  It’s easier to take responsibility for your mistakes than place the blame on someone else.

A husband once went to dinner with his wife.  During the salad course of dinner he accidentally poured 2/3′s of the bottle of vinegar and oil based dressing on his small dinner salad.  His wife let out a gasp as she repeated his name.  He immediately turned to her and said, “It’s all your fault!” She and the rest of us were stunned by his accusation.  So while she stared at him in disbelief with her mouth open and jaw hanging low, he simply said, “It’s your fault because you only serve the thick salad dressing at home.” If looks could kill.  Surprisingly the couple recently celebrated their 40th anniversary.

He named the problem and promptly placed the blame on his wife.

Name and Blame is one of the most popular games played in our culture.  Yet it is one of those games where all the players are losers. Forty year olds blame their parents.  Ex’s blame their ex’s.  The unemployed blame the boss, the president, or their unemployed co-workers. Democrats blame Republicans.  Senators blame representatives.  Corporations blame computers.  Three year olds blame everyone.

I have decided not to blame anyone for stealing or losing my life, including myself.  I have decided that it will be best to take personal responsibility for losing my life.  I have made mistakes, but who hasn’t.

Taking responsibility will clear a bunch of clutter out of your path to reclaiming your life.  If you want to blame others, you will find yourself stuck in that maze of entanglements that couples experience when they break up.  I could spend the whole year telling you how and why everyone is at fault, while exonerating myself. At year’s end, I’d still not have a life.

To those upon whom I might be tempted to blame for stealing my life, I have decided to pronounce a blessing instead.  The blessing comes from Genesis 31 in a feud between Jacob and Laban, who Jacob believed had cheated him out of the girl he wanted.  Laban said, “May the Lord watch between you and me while we are absent one from another.”

So, if you are one of those people in my past who is feeling guilty for stealing my life, I have good news for you.  Instead of pronouncing a curse, I decided to erect a blessing fence between me and thee.  You may rejoice at this, but I want you to know that I have left all the entanglements on your side of the fence.  I do not have time to untangle the mess, I simply want to reclaim my life.

One of the reasons I lost my life is because I failed to … well, we will talk about this next time.

Travel well, BJ

Along the Way … I Lost my Life

Along the way … I lost my life.

I want it back.

Reclamation is a term generally used for reclaiming land which has been destroyed by misuse, overuse, or abuse, usually at the hands of a multi-national company mining it for resources or using it to dump waste.  Environmentalist use the term frequently.  Google the word and you will find there are hundreds of reclamation projects to reclaim lost land.

This reclamation project is different.  I want to reclaim my life.  I have many more years to live.  I want them to be productive, healthy, meaningful, enjoyable, and a blessing to others.  I do not think this is asking for too much.

How do you reclaim a lost life?

The first step is to discover where you lost your life.  Unfortunately, this is not as simple as locating lost car keys. Once you find car keys, you can get on with driving.  With a lost life you cannot simply claim it and move forward unfettered.  A lost life is filled with entanglements that have to be untangled before one can move forward freely.

I have counseled hundreds of couples, many of them have chosen to get a divorce.  The first big surprise that confronts divorcees is that they are not free from their ex-spouse just because they are legally divorced.  Their lives have been co-mingled and inter-twined to a point where separating them is not easy.

Where did I lose my life?  I’ll get to that in a little bit.

My goal in 2010 is to reclaim my life, thus Reclamation 2010.  This blog will be about my journey, my reflections, my hopes, and my dreams.  I do not promise to offer you any answers, such as 10 steps to reclaiming your life.  If it were that simple, I’d be on Step 4, instead of writing a blog.  My journey will span spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical issues and a full reclamation of each as significant for reclaiming my life, again.

If you have lost your life, I invite you to join me in this journey.  I invite you to share your thoughts and comments.  The only thing I will ask is that whatever you write, that it be a word of encouragement for me and for others who have joined the journey.

Travel well! BJ